ahhhhh, its over, for a couple of weeks anyways :).  Honestly I wish it wasnt.  I got off to such a bad start but finished big.  Now I have two weeks to contemplate my experience and reevaluate.  I look forward to summer session, I know I am going to do a lot better since I have found peace at the university.  I was so apprehensive of how the students and faculty would treat me and all I can say is they were wonderful. Several students even made the effort to talk to me and help me.  I was impressed.  I didnt think I would make friends on campus being a non-traditional student but it happened.  No I am not going to start hanging out with them but I look forward to having other classes with them and talking to them.  Not Rodney Dangerfield here lol, that was a halarious movie and I can relate, although I havnt met an instructor to fall in love with, sorry DR's Oviler, Jerkanin and Offie.   And what happend to the frat parties of the 80's?  man college has changed :).  Its a good thing, thats why I didnt make it the first time.  oh to be young again.  Going to work around the house for the next couple of weeks and try to get a head start on Astronomy.  My advisor doesnt think its a good idea to take that over the summer but I am a sci-phi nut and have a strong interest in the subject.  Anyways, I just have to say, everyone has been great at MTSU helping me be a part of the university.  It was nothing like I thought it might be.   The only change I have seen that I dont like is the food. blah.  It was soo much better in the 80's. but then again I was young and ate anything. :)
Well enough for now.   Grilling some chicken to celebrate the last day of class.  Wishing everyone well on there exams.

GOOD MORNING WORLD AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Yes, I made it another year!  Being dyslexic I just turned 45 :).  No plans, just gonna hang out with buddy all day, study my criminal theory and math.  Going to head to Red Robbin for lunch, they give a free burger on your birthday, and then Jonathans Grill tonight.  Only thing is, how can I study with a golden retriever constantly in my face and throwing his ball at me?  

POLITICAL THEORY - Henry David Thoreau

GOOD MORNING WORLD!  Looks like the bad weather is gone for a few days. Perfect timing since finals are just a few days a way.  Just been a little depressing trying to study in the gloom.  I also get to spend the weekend dog sitting my best friend Buddy.  He is a golden retriever being abandoned by his family so they can have a good time in Gatlinburg.  Well we are going to have a better time than they are.  Taking walks, throwing his Frisbee and ball and maybe even go to the lake.  As we wrap up this semester I would like to say how wonderful its been.  From day one everyone at the school I have had contact with has been very supportive.  Without there help and encouragement I couldnt have done this.  I turn 54 tomorrow and have made a lot of accomplishments this year.  I am no longer in physical pain from my leg, my blood pressure is back to normal and some days even below normal.    My mental anguish has subsided greatly and my social anxiety is getting much better.  I am starting to feel much better about myself and look forward to continuing my education and being more a part of the university.  I have always been and always will be "TRUE BLUE".  I hope everyone has a great day and wish my fellow students luck with there exams.

GOOD MORNING WORLD!  I have always enjoyed saying good morning to people and always enjoyed reminding those that say, "Whats good about it?", that saying good morning to someone is a wish up them, not a statement of fact.  One of the things I am working hard on is trying to find positive things to thing about.  trying to make a positive out of a negative.  Now that the  end of the semester is here I realize I didnt do as well as I thought I would, but I am passing so it is good.  It was a real challenge for me to get back into it so I am accomplishing my goal and getting better day by day.  I am not going  to look at my past performance as a negative but as a learning experience.  Now that I have a better understanding of how education works today in comparison to yesteryear I will do much better next semester.  I have learned from my mistakes and that is nothing to be ashamed of.  I have also learned I cant do this alone so I am going to take advantage of the campus counseling center.  Anyways, I do encourage everyone to start thinking positive.  It has made a difference for me.  Negativity depresses, positivity encourages excitement.  I can now wake up and look forward to the day.  I look forward to going to class and studying, I look forwarding to meeting new people and having discussions with them.  I am also trying to share this with the people I interact with, even if its just smiling at someone I pass on the walkway and wish them a good morning.  Most people smile back and wish me the same, some just look at me and keep walking.   This isnt going to fix all the problems in the world, but its helping to fix mine and I believe, in some small way, its helping the people I interact with.  Share the love and they will pass it on.  Well enough for now, I am going to finish my coffee and head to the university.   I dont have class till 4 but I really need to do well on my finals and have found my little study spot at the Student Union to be "my spot".  Hope to see you there.  Everyone have a good day.

GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!!  Yesterday was a long day so I got to bed early and woke up feeling great.  Everyday is getting better for me, even if the weather is doing its best to make me miserable :).  I saw this on the news this morning and wanted to share. 

Well except for the weather, its been a good day.  Been studying all weekend for a math exam and it paid off.  I did blank out on one question, hopefully the always choose "C" worked this time :).  Also good news, they caught the shooter.  I know a lot of people are mad that the police didn't shoot him, but I am glad they didn't.  We need to know whats going on with this young man to make him choose to do what he did.  He is no longer a danger to society, let the prisons deal with him now. 

All registered for Summer and Fall classes.  Three classes over the summer and they shouldn't be difficult.  Fall is going to be a bit tough, the last three classes I need to graduate and there all upper level.  Good news is I am really getting the hang of studying and writing papers again.  I really look forward to it.  Who knows, maybe I will stick around and get my masters.  we will see. :)

This tragedy just keeps getting worse.  They still havnt found him and one of the victims was a fellow student at MTSU.  Gonna be a sad day on campus tomorrow.  Akilah Dasilva was described as " passionate about "his music, family, and life," and was pursuing a career in musical engineering at Middle Tennessee State University in Murfreesboro."  He was a rapper and a dj. so young, intelligent and passionate.  I just dont know what to say.  sad times we live in. 

     Sad tragic news in Nashville this morning.  Gunmen at a waffle house killed 4 people and injured 3 others.  This would be the second mass shooting in this area within a year.  This is really upsetting for me.  I have faced death twice in my life and learned to appreciate my life more than most.  What is going on in these peoples minds?  They are destroying so many peoples lives, not just the victims but there family and friends.  And then I look at the shooters.  Young men with the rest of there lives ahead of them and they just threw it all away.  What is going on in the world today to make these people want to do such a tragic thing?  Here I am starting a new life at age 53 and there are many days I wish I could go back to being a 20 something and do things differently in my life.  A lot of people are going to start arguing about gun control again but were forgetting the human element.  NO, I am not supporting guns, I am trying to figure out how we can help these people with mental issues get the help they need before they make these terrible decisions.  Many years ago we had several mental health facilities in Nashville.  They have all been shut down, people thrown out on the streets to fend for themselves.  As a society we are responsible for helping those that cant help themselves.  Not just for the individuals benefit but for society in general.  We all benefit from helping those in need get the help they need.  This is one of the things I have noticed at MTSU that has changed in recent years.  The university offers all kinds of counseling now.  If someone needs help, just someone to talk to, they can and I strongly encourage anyone  in need to use these services.  thats it for now. I need to turn the news off, I just dont want to watch it anymore. 

NEW MATH=BLAH MATH

I can do a lot of this the old way but the instructor always wants us to show work. grrrrr.  Actually, I find the new math easy once you start to understand it.   It makes you think.  Back in the 80's and 90's we did have calculators to help but they were frowned upon in class.  No computers so no online math lab (which has been a big help to me by the way).  We had to have books, paper and pencil and actually had to listen to the professor.  Can you image that, having to listen to the professor to learn?  hehe.  The professors had to work one on one with a lot of students.  We did have a math lab though for those that needed extra help.  Today with the online learning tools it is soo much easier.  I can spend as much time without feeling like I am taking up someone else s time and also not feel stupid.  I feel stupid enough without adding to it.  So now I can figure out when your driving a  bus traveling at 70 miles an hour between la and nashville with a wind of 20 mph and you have to make three stops, one overnight for 6 hours and you use 125 gallons of gas, what is the drivers name?  easy math :)

     Welcome to my Blue Pond!!.  I am a non-traditional student at Middle Tennessee State University.  I have returned after a 24 year sabbatical.  I have never blogged before and have never followed any blogs until I took an intro to Philosophy course where the instructor  utilized his blog for class instruction.  It got me to thinking, maybe using a blog can help me adjust back to the scholastic life and also to help my with my personal stress and anxiety. 
   
      I am not going to get into all the details of my past life but basically I was one of those students that got away from mommy and daddy and attended a University that was well known as a party school.  Did very well my first couple of semesters but then the partying seemed to take priority.  The drinking age was 19 so the majority of students could drink legally.  Fraternities and Sororities both held huge parties, advertising them all over the campus and I went to all of them.  It was a lot of fun but ruined not only my academic career but my future.  When I finally woke up to reality, my parents had cut off my funding for school and I was on my own.  I made an attempt in 1994 to return but I had to pay for it and work a full time job that was pretty much 24/7 work week.  Made 3 c's and a D and being on probation this wasn't enough to stay in school. Over the next 24 years I worked a very stressful job and had several tragic events happen that led me to have a form of PTSD so I quit working and returned to MTSU.  My goal is finish my degree (bucket list thing) even though I will probably never use it.  I look at returning to school like waldons pond.  A place I can go to get away from all the things that have stressed me out. I can use this time to clear my head and get back on track.  I find it very relaxing being on a set schedule and spending my time reading and thinking about things other than my past. 

     If you choose to follow this blog, my intent is to post about all the changes I have seen at MTSU and also to update about my progress.  My first semester back got off to a very bad start.  Every time I walked into a class room my heart rate would jump and I  couldn't focus my attention on anything but my thoughts.  I was afraid to speak up, I just tried to find my quiet place in the class room and hope nobody noticed me.  Most of that has subsided now, so my plan seems to be working.  I am speaking up, talking to students and professors, and my concentration has gotten a lot better.  I truly feel I am on the right track.

     Well thats it for now, I have to do my math homework and study for the exam.  Next time I think I will look at how studying and lectures have changed since my last semester in 1994.

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